5th birthday

He is five years old. Not sure how to let that one resonate. You see, in a short amount of time, we have experienced so much. I am wondering, "What next? What must I continue to work on? How can we get through this next part of life and come out with growth and understanding and contentment." A wise book I am reading says, "Polish the mirror of the self and your child will see herself more clearly." Lovely right? Also frightening. How much further to dig to polish. How much longer before a break? Is there ever a break from polishing? The same book also speaks of Awareness. "It is impossible to keep this awareness of your destiny awakened all the time. But daily meditation can bring awareness to your thoughts and actions. Awareness brings constancy to your relationships. Constancy allows your child to release fear and follow his destiny."

He is five years old and I am so grateful. This I know. A work that is always in progress. An awareness that is beginning to awaken. And with that awareness, strength to let happenstance happen. Whatever it may be. May thoughts and actions become clearer and allow his next five years to thrive with confidence in his own process.

Round 2...a mixture of things

Hello again. I have pondered what the 2nd blog should be about. Maybe my new (better yet my forever) attempt to become disciplined with my yoga practice. Or my obsession with long lasting relationship., Possibly my annoyance with the wandering thoughts of a distracted mind, yadaa..yadaa. Still have yet to decide so...it will be a mere collection of a few things.

Beginning with how I am still baffled when a "tough" personal experience pushes me to then push myself further toward goals or "things" that make me happy. Not that I sacrifice these "things" on a constant basis but I tend to loose sight at how wonderful they make me feel. With the many things I need to take care of (Sulli, Dad, house, work, etc) I have realized time and time again that none of these "things" are fully taken care of unless I am also taking care of myself so...
Inspired by this experience, this week has had a little bit of yoga included in each day. And I intend on keeping it that way.

At work lately, I have been getting to know patients more. What a treasure. Finding pieces of these old experiences. Although a personal goal of mine is to remain nonjudgmental, it is hard sometimes to see the elderly as once being more capable or totally self-sufficient. That is a whole other topic. Maybe blog # 6. Today, I am especially being drawn to the stories of this sort: "Mrs so and so and I have been married for 57 years." Or "my wife and i were married for 57 years and courted for 5. she died 6 years ago and I miss her the same every day." It is somewhat comforting being surrounded by people that think of love this way. It is so simple to them. It was so simple back then. My whole life I thought it was so simple. I wonder "what happened?". One of my fav patients said I must have had a past life from these days...he thinks I am an old soul lost in today's world. He said, "Good luck!" ha.

Dad and I made DELISH breakfast burritos tonight...together. What a wonderful treat.

With ending this blog because I am tired and a bit drained. I am inspired to write a blog regarding a book I am reading "The Tao of Motherhood." Let's just say...it is awesome!

Good night

1st time

It has been a long time coming. A sort of "bottling up" if you will.

A lot has occurred, personally, in the last 3 years. These "a lots" will show themselves over the course of the blogs. The first blog is an introduction...inspired simply by events that occurred this afternoon.

Pushed by an interesting state of mind, (influenced by relationships and the meaning of love) I was headed to dig in the earth. The house my dad and I now live in is full of green (not the eco-friendly type of green but the the literal sense of the word) potential. We have an array of fruit trees, herb plants, and misc greenery. We, my dad and I, are so grateful for this and yet it is such a responsibility. Not to mention overwhelming. Needless to say, I headed out for a bit of physicality, meditation, release of mental frustration. As I am placing my pulled weeds into garbage bags, Dad comes out to collect key limes. He comes around the key lime tree with key limes stuffed in his shirt that he has pulled away from his body to create enough room for the limes. What a sight. At first, it reminded me of my best friends dance from college...I had to collect cherries that were thrown all over the stage, in a dress that I had to pull away from my body to make room to hold the cherries. So, Dad and I have a quick dialog of words regarding a pie inspired by the limes (aka Key Lime Pie). Delightful and sad thoughts arrive at the exact same time. Delightful at the thought of Dad in the kitchen again. Sad in the thought at when exactly the delightful thought will take place. You see, it is not so easy for Dad to get in the kitchen these days. Since the words "terminal" and "spread of cancer" were discussed by the doctor and dad, he has had little drive to step into kitchen.

So...delightful and sad...at the same time. It is a treat to be able to live day in and day out with Dad...it is also sad. I wish our "day in and day outs" were filled with the Dad that could share his kitchen expertise with his amateur daughter. Now that we have this time I have to admit I wish it was being spent doing lively things. This is all part of this disease... cancer.

Just a little venting...good for me to do today. Life has had its tough moments and this blog is opening its self to be just the right thing. Ah...open space